Dear Lonely Men

I am crossing paths with more and more of you these days, and this brings me joy and anger.

Joy because you are saying out loud:

• “I am scared of real intimacy.”

• “I feel lonely.”

• “I feel lost.”

• “I don’t know where my tribe is.”

…and this means there is a spark of awareness in you that something is off.

And I am angry because of the damage loneliness creates in relations between men, women, and Gaia. More on this later.

You are very welcome to continue living a life that feels off, that you fill with work, women, credentials, productivity, obtaining status and money, and whatever other conditioned versions of success you think will fill the empty hole in your heart.

Maybe your mother who always took care of you is now absent. Maybe your dad was an asshole. Maybe someone abused you physically or emotionally as a child. Maybe that one woman hurt you so badly that you vowed to take revenge on all women forever and never get vulnerable again. Maybe it was something else, like years of societal conditioning to “win” at Modern Culture life no matter what the cost, that led you to abandon this essential part of you.

You are also very welcome to keep playing the Lone Wolf strategy that you were trained to do as a “strong” man who does not show his emotions, and that does not rely on anyone, particularly other men, to support him in his most challenging and celebratory moments in life.

Everything I have written so far is not only something that you are welcome to do, but likely until now, is exactly what you are doing, and have been doing, your whole life.

As is wisely said, “What you are not conscious of is unconsciously controlling your life.”

Now that you have consciousness of what is happening in you — that you feel lonely — you can choose something else.

This is a precious moment for a life-changing shift to occur, if you will it.

It starts with a decision. A decision to take matters of your life back into your own hands again. You can decide…right now.

If you don’t want to choose something else, you can simply stop reading this article now. It is not for you.

If you do want to choose something else, congratulations. You have just began the next chapter of your heart-connected, loving, community-oriented life.

Now the question may arise: where do I go from here?

Here are some tips to get you started based on my own observations and firsthand life experience as an evolutionary woman who has also experienced loneliness:

1. Get to know your loneliness - spend ALONE time with it, ask it questions DIRECTLY, sit in SILENCE with it, and let the Feelings and Emotions share their wisdom with you (fear, anger, sadness, or joy). Write down everything you discover so you can work with these insights in healing processes and transformational experiments with the team you will create.

2. Bring conscious awareness to what you are doing to avoid being with your loneliness — drugs, sex, work, education, intellectualism, competition, men, women, food, exercise…the list goes on. Observe, for at least one week, what exactly you turn to when you feel lonely. Write this all down too for working on with your team.

3. Find heart-centered, humble, clear men committed to their evolutionary path to be on your team for your own evolution. Pro tip: Don’t go to the male spaceholders that you want to compete with or prove something to. Go to the men that are vulnerably showing themselves, personally inspiring you, and that make you squirm because they are so loving, sharp, and clear that you don’t know how to act. Work with them to train how to navigate your inner world. The Heart Gym is another space that can support you to kickstart this journey. Jump into the unknown — this is the stuff evolution is made of and the place where transformation lives.

4. Start a detoxification process where you shift from avoiding your loneliness into something else. With the support of your men’s team, design what this looks like. Maybe it is that you connect with your heart with what is really going on in the moment. Maybe it is that you welcome the loneliness like an old friend, or call a man or your team, or move into connection with the community or natural environment around you.

5. Find fierce, angry, no-bullshit women who are committed to their evolutionary path who will not play the game of being caretaker for your loneliness.** Surround yourself with these women for they are dangerously wise. Ask them questions. Take their feedback and work with it. Do not bother them with your emotional labor — take that to your team of men to handle. Through your emotional healing and reconnection with your heart, you will learn to appreciate women’s Beings, and thus learn to appreciate Gaia — they are one in the same. When your love grows for Women and Gaia you will experience a depth of love that to many is unfathomable to receive. I myself have only momentarily glimpsed this kind of love with my conscious awareness (it is actually happening all the time, I am just not conscious of it), and the shifts it has had on my life are profound. Interacting with these kinds of women will support you in your growth into an Initiated, free, natural Adult man that honors all life on Gaia and walks a path of fierce love.

When the pain of disconnection from your heart has gotten great enough, or the pain of the disastrous results on the ecological, health, and social climate of today’s reality created by this disconnection multiplied across billions of people over hundreds of years, you can turn towards your Being, and say yes to that mysterious, glimmering something else that exists outside of what you were taught.

If you want to find men, women, or spaces to connect with to support you on this journey, reach out to me via my website at jacquelineyorkoneill.com.

**If you are a woman and want to connect with your fierceness, power, and radiance to hold space for the culture and world you want to live in, or you are a woman experiencing loneliness, please reach out to me directly via my website. I am on your team, and know many more incredible women that are already on your team, too. The Women of Earth movement is also a rich resource to get you started on your journey: www.womenofearth.live.

With fierce love and devotion to Life,

Jacqueline