Raging Inside Out

Authentically Expressing Your Aliveness

I’ve been playing small my whole life. Trying to fit in, be likable, be easy, be amenable. I’ve let myself die many times, becoming a shell of myself, not having any clarity about who I am, or what I want or care about in life. I handed over my authority and decision-making power to partners, teachers, bosses, friends, school, social media, and countless other sources so I would never have to actually be responsible for anything. I constantly blamed others for keeping me stuck and not living my life.

In the process of adapting to the external world around me I lost myself, including my connection to my intuition, and my ability to feel anything at all. I was numbing the fear, sadness, anger, and joy I felt in order to dance around on eggshells in a hyper-vigilant state of analysis constantly scanning other people to know who I had to be for them to like me. I spent all my time reading other people and forgot how to read myself. Looking outside all the time left me deeply empty and disconnected inside.

This bred deep anger and resentment in me because I was always keeping everything I actually felt, thought or noticed to myself while everyone else around me expressed themselves. While I know now it’s likely that everyone else was not fully expressing what they truly felt, thought or noticed either, I built up stories that everyone else was allowed to say and do what they wanted while I could not. Somehow I was debilitated—something was wrong with me—and I unconsciously continued to feed the anger that simmered inside me as I kept my mouth shut.

I was jealous of people who I saw expressing themselves freely, speaking up in a meeting, at a party, in class, in a casual conversation, as I watched from the sidelines as a silent observer through a glass window on the outside. People who spoke their opinion, asked for what they wanted, set a boundary, or stood up to someone that they disagreed with while using their fierceness felt alien to me.

Putting myself on a different playing field than everyone else I decided that what I wanted to say and do was less than others. The voices inside of me were harsh and unforgiving, and kept fueling the pressure of keeping everything inside. I felt angry at the world for keeping me stuck.

Then finally the pressure broke. This year I started to consciously reconnect with my anger to allow it to bubble up in me and be expressed, along with my fear, sadness and joy. Through tools I have learned through training in the work of Possibility Management I’ve re-ignited my fire, the life source energy within, this aliveness in me that I haven’t felt before, ever in my life.

It’s like a primal rage that brings me deeply into the present moment and magnifies my clarity — of what I want, don’t want, stand for, and call into my life — leveraging the powerful combination of anger and sound to declare what I create.

I always thought that anger was bad, mean, ugly, only for men, and about war and violence. I feel angry that this is how such a powerful and wise emotion has been depicted in modern culture. How cut off people, especially women, have been from this powerful force within to speak and stand up for themselves and what they believe in.

What if anger was actually the source of my personal power? To choose, to enact the change I want to see in the world, to set a boundary, to feel the fullness of my capacity to create the life I want, to be fully expressed?

My work with rage is transforming me into a new person, into a powerful, fierce, angry, beautiful, connected woman who is recreating how she relates to the people in her life and the planet. I feel the pain when I don’t speak up to the point that I must rage to allow the unexpressed words to make their way out of me. I feel the fire in my belly when I scream from this deep place inside of me that reminds me of the woman that I am and am capable of being. I feel the intimacy of connection with others when I set a boundary and say no to them because I am letting them see and love the real me, not someone I am pretending to be. 

I also have been spending a lot of time with my fear in order to access my rage because of the old stories I still carry about what people might think about me if I am an angry woman. That people might leave, judge or hate me if I am an angry person who speaks what they really think.

It takes a level of courage to first notice, then experience, and finally to express the rage that lives inside of me because I won’t be seen as easy, or nice or safe anymore. This is the practice of rage. Stepping into the unknown of what will happen when you express your truth without diminishing your power or making yourself smaller or more palatable for others. It’s about letting the fiery, strong, resilient, caring beast that lives inside of you out to inspire others to own their power too.

When you open the portal for rage to flow through you there is no going back, no more playing small or pretending you are okay with things that you cannot stand. There are no masks or easy ways out. No, this is letting the world fully experience you in all of your power and glory.

This work comes with a level of calibration to know how to land what you speak into others effectively and the place to start practicing this is in Rage Club. It is key to finesse your power into sharp, cutting, clarity that propels you forward into a life of authenticity, connection and alignment with who you are and what you want. Rage can be a tremendous source of love when honed and executed with precision. With Rage Club you can learn to stay in connection with your center and those you love while being unapologetic with your anger.

This is what Rage Club is about – accessing this life force to reclaim what has been repressed and transmuting it into pure, unadulterated creative force.

Something doesn’t work for you when communicating with your partner? Find your voice to speak your truth evenly with ease.

Are you blaming yourself for childhood trauma that you took on? Set a boundary and take back your authority once and for all.

Not sure what you want in life? Stop drowning in confusion, learn to say yes to what you live for and no to what you cannot stand anymore and hold yourself to it.

This is the gift that rage brings, stepping into your power to create the life you want. It’s as simple as that.

It’s up to you to choose: keep your fire hidden and burning inside, or fan the flames of your aliveness by sharing the gift of your sacred rage with the world.

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Experiment to practice: Notice the next time you stop yourself from saying something you want to say and how it feels in your body. Do your cheeks burn, do you clench or fists or jaw, does your mind go wild thinking about all the things you would say? Write down your observations about what happens when you repress your anger. This is preparation for Rage Club where you can start to work with your body to access your rage and begin to express it.